Past Episodes...

Today the topic Christianity came up again...

and all I have to say is that i still have issues with it...

Even though time has passed and I'm currently seeing someone else...

I still can't help but feel a stab or a sudden surge of anger whenever that topic comes up...

From time to time again even though its almost been a year ...

It just keeps coming back...

I know that i have to let it go but i still feel the bitterness every now and then ...

sighs...

only time can help i suppose...

maybe someday somehow when i look back at that point in time i'll be able to just shake it off...

Dare You Take A Chance?

Dare you take a chance

And jump into the unknown

the blue abyss while being alone?

Dare you take a chance

And raise your voice

while looking at me straight in the eye

with your bloodshot eyes?

Dare you take a chance

And stand up

while rocking in front of the world

with your hair in a mess

and your lips all smudged in crimson?

Dare you take a chance

To let your heart skip a beat

and to let your feet not touch the ground?

Life's all about risk. No matter what it is

You just have to take that one chance , roll the dice, and play your cards right

If you don't take that one risk you'll never know if you've missed out on something important

Ain't It Funny...

Ain't it funny how it all began

On one starless dark night

I can remember us sitting by the stairs

Giving each other evil glares

Talking and laughing about random stuff

I can remember the black hooded guy

Who kept on coming closer that you had to shoo away

The wine and the food adventure that you took me too

and how we always stayed up by the fountain till the morning light showed

And it brings me sadness knowing that those days are gone

For you have flown away

To a little island in the far south east...

Will we ever have more time or will the clock stop ticking altogether ?

The Last Goodbye...

We once wrote our names in the sand
Thinking that it will last
and the tides will never wash it away
but for some reason the tides grew strong
eventually your name faded but mine stayed

you left me at a crossroad
drenched in the rain
i watched you walked the road which i could not take
i fell on my knees and curled into a ball
praying that the pain and numbness would go away
eventually the rain stopped and the sun came
warming my icy heart of stone
i soon crawled, walked and ran
i ran in the opposite direction towards a new horizon

the new horizon held unexpected surprises
a world filled with the unknown....

now as the euphoria of the new world fills my vains
i bid you goodbye for one last time ....

This was long overdue... i found it sitting in a pile of paper :)

Hong Kong So Far

*clears dust

hello :) i don't know if anyone still reads my blog.. but oh well..

hk is really nice so far.. so far my language barrier has only caused me angry screams from the bus drivers and siu pah drivers... it isn't so bad... i'll survive.. i think i'm starting to pick up the language... which is all part of the plan while i'm here... and nope i haven't met any super stars... i've been going to all the places where they normally got to eat but i haven't been fortunate enough to meet any ... but i have three years here so we'll see... haha

the weather here is really hot cause now its summer =.=' but autumn will be coming soon apparently... in hk i have to walk a lot... so i normally come home all sticky and stuff... i guess i didn't feel it back home cause we had cars... here its foot , cab , mtr , siu pah, tram, ferry or bus...
the public transport here is very efficient... so i love it like crazy ... they say 11 mean 11 the bus is coming... the mode of public transportations are also really clean :)... i sat on a double decker bus yesterday to Mong Kok it was damn fun... oh i finally found the toilet restaurant ... where they serve the food in a plate that looks like a toilet bowl... i plan to try it soon...

shopping here is reallly awesome... every High end brand imaginable... and the collections are really nice but the price is damn sexy la.. the shop assistants are really nice and friendly.. although some can be a bit aggressive and continously shove pretty things at your face that you want to buy... but their ok :)... the local shopping scene is also really nice... quality is not bad and its very very cheap... if you know where to go... now there is sales almost everywhere.. at the local brands... the high end brands have just finished their sales.. except chanel... haha

I'm very happy with my life here so far.. although there are some things that i would really like to bring over from kl to here like my bed, family, friends and the ss2 chicken porridge that i have been craving for ever since monday... but going abroad is about learning about yourself.. you either stand tall through it all and come back as a mature and bright individual or you fall victim to certain distractions here and get lost...

whatever may happen i know i'll pull through...

Someone's watching over me...

Ps : photo's are at fb... check them out :)

-nat-

11.08.09 Bliss

I had a wonderful birthday and i couldn't have asked for a better one :) ... two of my friends (yl and paul) planned a birthday/farewell for me on sunday and on tuesday my friend kin loong took me out for lunch and my parents took me out for dinner... i had fun ... i was surrounded by all the people who meant a lot to me :) Thank you to everyone who made this day possible ...

Kin loong....


haagen daaz...

mum and I at ribs...

orgasmic....

In short it was a gastronomical adventure on my birthday filled with fun, laughter and joy... hehe it was .. i had shabu shabu, hagen daaz (first time) and beef tenderloin steak from my fav shop ribs by vintry in bangsar... more pictures on facebook will be uploaded soon :)

I feel really blessed :)

Sweetdreams Beautiful Nightmare...

Your smile, your kiss, your eyes, your lips
Nothing but a distant memory
Dreams
Together we painted the skies
With the honest love from high above
But what lies

Well, I need to move on and walk away
I wished you'd asked me to stay

Sweetdreams beautiful nightmare
You're nothing but euphoric ecstasy
I'm picking up the pieces of us
As you walk far away
Goodnight my beautiful melody
Our song has runned its course
Should have known you'll dissapoint me
Your just another fairytale gone wrong

You held my hand, you hold me close
Whispered sweet nothings into my ears
Illusions
I lied awake the night you left
Your voice it rings, you told me things that I'll never forget
This pain

Hurts

Well I thought that this would last
And I've never ever have to walk away

Sweetdreams beautiful nightmare
Our love story is now over
I'm struggling to stay a float
But not anymore
Goodnight my lovely romeo
Your Juliet has gone away
She's writting it in the sand
So that it'll fade away

I cannot say I don't love you
I cannot say I hate you
I cannot get rid of your memory
I wished we can rewrite this story
But then again I know you don't want too
So you're gone and so am'i

Yes, it hurts right now
It isn't even half of what I feel
But I've already let it go

Sweetdreams beautiful nightmare
You're nothing but euphoric ecstasy
I'm glad that your gone
From underneath my skin
Goodnight my beautiful melody
That's all I can say to you
All the pain you've caused me
Has finally dissappeared...

I'm Leaving On Jet Plane , Don't Know When I'll Be Back Again...

i booked my ticket to hong kong the other day and it made me feel quite emo... it was a one way ticket and i'm not sure if i want to come back in december or go do something else... to be honest i have nothing much left for me here... my friends are leaving too it just so happens that i'm leaving earlier.. and my friends who are not leaving , they'll be fine cause they have a life to live... i only have my family left here that i have to worry about... i won't say what is it that i have to worry about but i know that its part and parcel of life... lifes not a straight road to begin with it has its sharp turns, round abouts and dead ends... but at the end of the day there's always more than one road... which is why people get lost sometimes...

i read a book today that max borrowed me and after reading the book... i felt good... it made me realise that hey its true...this is my second chance... its like a breathe of fresh air.. i'm going to be all alone when i get there but hey its good in a way... and besides i'll never be alone...

so if you ask me right now whether i'm happy or sad that i'm leaving... i will tell you this... i'm more happy than sad to be leaving...

'Every now and then life gives you a second chance its just how you use it at the end of the day'

What I Know...

My heart tells me that I believe in HIM...

My mind tells me that I'm not meant to understand HIM and HIS ways...

I know that my chance will come...

Its just a matter of when and where...

Till then i'll just have to put my faith and trust in HIM as always...

A Mixture Of Emotions...

Right now there are so many things going on in my mind that i cannot comprehand the fact that there are just so many things going on...I;m between crossroads now as i near the age of being 19 sooner or later many things will be in my hands and even more things will fall on my shoulder... And soon i'll have to decide if something is really worth the pain or not .. and i've decided to forget about it because right now i need myself to be happy to prevent it from getting worst and besides if you don't care why should i?... i'm hoping that i'll get that appointment tomorrow... so wish me luck...






I know I'll weather this storm just like the other storms in my life... No one here is turning their back on you but for some reason your doing that to them... We'll always be here if you need to talk... -natalie-

Memo To All

Today was suppose to be the happiest day in my life ... but i got an unexpected call which brought news of despair, sorrow and anger... the call cut me very very deep till i could not feel the pain all over my body due to the fact that i have been in pain for the past few days... my jaw, neck, arm and ankle hurt... no i'm not lying they have been hurting...

to be honest i felt insulted by the call... and now i can never ever be nice to the person who called me... there is no way i can ever find a way or reason to forgive this person... and as far as i'm concern that person is dead in my book... well if you want to know i'll never tell you but you can ask that person in sydney he would know...

not waitin' around for a man to save me
(Cos I'm happy where I am)
Don't depend on a guy to validate me
(No no)
I don't need to be anyone's baby
(Is that so hard to understand?)
No I don't need another half to make me whole

Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't

This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

I'm single (Right now)
That's how I wanna be
I'm single (Right now)
That's how I wanna be

Ah yeah
Uh Huh
that's right
Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good
(I like who I am)
I'm not saying
I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would
I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cos you say I should
(Can't romance on demand)
I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood

Everything in it's right time everything in it's right place
I know I'll settle down one day
But 'til then I like it this way it's my way
Eh I like it this way

This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

You get my drift?

I'm A Brunette Who Wants A Green Scarf ...

hello

this post is going to make me sound blonde even when i'm actually a brunette...

you know what i just realized that i found my green scarf last sunday... i don't know why it took so long for it to hit me in the face.... but now its like i'm debating whether to buy it or not... i don't know why i mean the lady was willing to sell it to me for only rm12-15 like that... why am'i even debating i means its like the green scarf...

ok lets analyze this properly...

why didn't it hit me until a week earlier ?

a. my brain is not functioning...

b. i haven't been thinking about it...

c. i'm just slow and blur (hopefully not..)

d. because i'm still looking for it...

you know what i think its b... i mean like recently i had lots to think about ... like which laptop to buy... ( i'm open for recommendations... *smiles while hoping that someone would answer my plea *) and then what kind of shoe to buy because i just realised that i'll have no shoe to wear to hong kong because all of them are open toed... so if i wear those my toes will freeze and might fall off like the poor pirate's toes in pirates of the carribean 3 ... which is something that i don't want... i love my toes ok... and then i have to think about how many turtle necks to buy and other clothes... and then i have to think about which medicine i should bring to hk because i'll surely fall sick... and then from there i have to think how to get it through the customs... because i heard hk customs are really really strict... and the list goes on...

see how much thinking goes on in my tiny pea sized brain...

why am'i debating with myself whether to buy the green scarf....

i think its because i just blew 3 months worth of salary on my phone which i now claim it as a 3 year investment and a basic human right :).... so don't ask me why i spend so much on a handphone mind you i didn't change my phone for 7 years... nokia is so tahan lasak...

and another reason is because i'm short on cash... so i have to find a way to get some... lets review the options...

a. go to bank

b. ask daddy

c. ask mummy

d. find another sponsor...

you know what i like option b and c better :) hehe... but seriously why am'i debating with myself whether to buy it or not this is so freaking stupid... once i buy it i just need the boots , the right jacket and the agnes b mall.... * smiles while imagining....

isn't it pretty... wait for me agnes b... i will come soon with my green scarf i hope...

anyway i just realised that one of hku's partner universities is unsw.... so are you thinking what i'm thinking... *Smirks

i just realise that i can go to disneyland hong kong *squels with excitement

i just realise i can see princess jasmine *smiles widely

i just realise that i would be the oldest person greeting the princesses in disneyland excluding the mummies and daddies and aunty and uncles there and nannies... damn... oh well nevermind...

i'm keeping my fingers crossed that the uni will make a field trip there... *keeping fingers crossed*

-natalie-

If You Step On My Toes...

hello

If you step on my toes you better watch out I'll bite your head off...

Its been a month and the office is a mean concrete jungle. There is basically three types of people in the office...

a. The people who are extremely friendly but behind your back they are talking badly about you, creating all sort of rumours and trying to gang up against you. And in addition to that they will eventually step on your head...

then there's

b. The people who are just very cold and unsocial towards newcomers (meaning trainees like me) . They act like your inferior to them and making friends with you would be a waste of their time..

lastly,

c. there's the friendly people but don't talk to you at all... When you pass them in the hallway their smile ask how are you and then thats it...

Office politics itself is very dirty... Its somehow similar to what you see on the idiot box... And somehow i fell that this job of mind is going to teach me now how to handle all of this is the future :)... oh well... let's hope for the best...

at the end of the day in the office you cannot be too friendly if not people will step on your toes painfully....

-natalie-

Romantically Blissed

Hello

"You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever."

-Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen -

I've always been a fan of the old romantic classics :) Movies such as Pride and Prejudice, The Duchess and so on have always made me imagined myself being born during those times and dancing in those fancy balls... And finding love at the end of the night ... I sometimes think I've been borned during the wrong time to a time where men who treat lady's with such manners are all extinct... I have met a few however most were just mere acts...

I'm a really traditional person when it comes to things like this .. I guessed it has been due to the reading and some contribution from Walt Disney himself...

Oh well maybe one day just one day such of my fantasies would come true or something... Eventhough the possibility is well near to zero. I can still dream :)

Oh another thing... I was in the airport quite recently sending someone dear to me and I saw something very dear to me... It is something that you could say would make me smile on the inside and the outside. Well I saw...

I saw a couple sending their eldest son off... The mother was crying but not bawling like crazy and the father saw . Instead of patting her on the shoulder like most of the male species would do (no offence but from what I've observed... ) . He took her into his arms hugged her tight and kissed her on the cheek looked into her eyes and smiled while saying 'He'll be back soon.." . He meaning their son... It was so sweet to see a couple who are not to say very young or very old but has had three kids and both who are constantly working 9-5 jobs and sometimes during the weekends... It was just so sweet and it was the only thing that made me smile for real while I was there... I stood there wondering in the corners of my mind whether I would be romantically blissed one day just like them....

-natalie

Its The Freaking Weekend Baby !

Hello

'It's the freaking weekend baby. I'm about to have me some fun'

Haha that's one of the lines to the music that was playing on the radio when i got home from work. hehe ... I'm so glad to be home after working for the entire week in checking stock and trying to figure out how to cut cost through inventory. It was really a behind the scene thing to how much food people can actually consume in an entire year. Entering the freezer was nerve wrecking because I was so afraid that I might get locked up inside by accident and become an Ice Queen or something . But none the less I'm doing fine.I enjoy working because it helps take my mind off things. It gives me something to do during my spare time too.

Its March now which means that the results for my application my University would be coming out in a month time or maybe possibly late March. I hope I get it. I just so want to get out of this house and move on with my life. Get my degree and hit the road in one of my dream places to go . Hong Kong ! before it sinks. Basically , I just want the whole drama through out my journey from last year doing SAM until today to come to an end. and yes there's a lot of drama I just never told anyone.

Coming to think of it most of the places of my I-want-to-visit list is sinking. That is so sad. Curse you Global Warming. Oh well I hope time will let me go to those places before they go under the water :)

Anyway I got to bounce yo before I start typing out everything that's playing in my mind. The mind is a complicating place isn't it?

'Life is simple, its just that we have a tendency to make it complicated at times '

-natalie-

Dear Life...

Dear Life,

You drive me crazy

You make my head hurt

You make me wish that time would pass by faster so that i can go home from work

You make me feel stupid cause

I have to walk up and down from the office to get all the information I need

To write a good report and then once I've done that you make me pass it to my boss

Which my boss tells me that I've missed out a tiny detail while I was in the office listening to him

And then you make me realize once I went down to get the missing information that

He never told me to do that just now

So now dear life I am stuck and haunted by the fact that I have to figure out how to get all the information right...

What have I ever done to you?

I'm Not So Sore...

I'm alright
I'm ok
I'm a little better...
Eventhough i miss you
And your two oceans away
i'll be smiling knowing that your alright :)
and taking a full advantage of your new experience

I Dread...

Truth be told...

I dread the nights after which you've gone to bed

with your eyes close and your ears deaf

because that is when i feel the most lonely

but i rejoice in the fact that the moon is out

and the sun is no more because

it means that i am one day less from seeing you again

in the month of November...

Should I Give Up or Should I Keep Chasing Pavements?

there was a time when i was little
where you kept me safe in your bubble
with your watchful eye
you watched me grow into a butterfly
those days have passsed
as i have aged

i've learn to walk, fall and get back up
i also never had the best of hands
but i tried to play my cards right
i rolled the dice and payed my dues
and learned a thing or two

so don't you think its about time you let go?
why won't you ?
so should i give up asking you?
or should i just keep chasing pavements?

Blessing Or Curse?

hello

there are some people in life who get over things very easily because they choose to move on and not get held back . They just don't want to dwell in the past. But the thing is some people misunderstand them in very bad way . They would say things behind their back and everything and then when they see that person the halo's come out. Its hard to act like everything's alright with them when that person knows whats going to happen when that person's not around them. But what can they do when they have the ability to not dwell in the past for not long... is it another blessing and a curse just like love?